The Love Thieves

I decided to bring all my CD’s to work again. I have them all converted to mp3’s and burned them to CDR’s. It is incredible that I can carry over 800 albums in about 90 discs. I noticed one that I have not used in a while. It has some music from my favorite soundtrack, which is Xenogears and just random music that I downloaded from the 2000 timeframe. On this CD I saw a few folders that had files in them. I noticed that one of them had the name of a girl I was in love with back in the 1999-2001 timeframe. I open the folder and read the emails that I had saved. They were all from the early 2000 timeframe when I was deployed to Japan.

It brought a warm smile to me to read some of them and almost tears when I read others. I just realized how long it has been since I’ve been somebody where it felt comfortable to say the simple three words “I love you”. I’ve not said it a lot since being with her. The last person I told it to told me not to say it again. And the one person I wanted to tell it the most has deaf ears towards me.

It is ridicously hard to find someone to be with. Sure, it is simple to meet someone at a bar, take her to my place, and just fuck. However, it is so much different when you meet someone that makes your heart beat a different way. Someone who makes you feel so strong and weak at the same time. Someone who you can’t help but smile when you see them walk into a room or hear their voice while you are busy at your cubicle. I’ve spent such a long time trying to forget this side of me. So much wanting to be a regular guy that’s just interested in the physical aspects of being with a woman. I know my day will come. I know it will. When I least expect it, there she will be and I will look back at this post and see how great life is.